Porscha (LastName)
Mr. McElveen
English 4
15 August, 2013
In
it for the Long Run
There is always that one person that stands out
extraordinarily from a group or community because of a major occurrence that
happened in their life. That person is certainly not me. The point I am trying
to bring across is that everyone has that “knick” that has made them insecure,
confident, or proud about themselves. This “knick” also builds a foundation or
a base for their personality, demeanor, and overall identity. A few things that
stood out to me or had significance in my life exemplify part of my character.
Martin Luther King Jr. once said, “Occasionally in life there are those moments
of unutterable fulfillment which cannot be completely explained by those
symbols called words. Their meanings can only be articulated by the inaudible
language of the heart.” These words can sum up how I feel about the things that
make me who I am today.
The “circle”, “clique”, “crew”, etc. that I associate
myself with today are a “knick” in my life. They’re not necessarily mistakes,
but they surely are not perfect. They hammered their way into my life, and I’m
proud of that because if it was not for them I would have been the shy, little
wall flower I used to be back in elementary school. As you see my “circle” coming
threw, you may see some typical girls with dark hair and brown skin. Laughing
or smiling, any bystander may think what you see is what you get, but that is
not the case. Of course, they cannot even see enough to get what is going on. It
seems as if there is this invisible translucent screening around us that is
unbreakable. Although most people seem extraneous in my life, I know the people
in my circle and I share a great bond, and I feel like they will be there for
me for an infinite number of years which is the reason I symbolize them as a
“circle”.
A butterfly, furthermore, is another thing I came to
realize has imprinted their meaning in my heart. To see those beautiful
creatures in their natural habitat is simply amazing. From the transformation
they endure to the way they live after that. Ever since I was a little girl I
thought they were great until it really hit me of just how amazing they were
when I saw this hideous, brown and black patterned moth outside of my
grandmother’s house. The contrast of diverse, bright colors of the butterfly to
the bland color of the moth is really something to notice. I did not know how
moths came into being, but I did know that butterflies were once caterpillars
that eventually formed its cocoon and, sooner or later, broke threw. The
transformation reminds me of how being born again can turn you into something
new. This connects me with the Heavenly Father.
Finally, I have another “knick” that can describe part of
my character. I find that my hair gives off different vibes about my
personality. It’s actually kind of cool because my hair is dark brown/black,
and when it gets struck by water, it gets into a really tight curl consisting
of only a few strands per curl all over my head. As many may notice, my hair
has a lot of density to it so that can become a hassle. When my hair is
straight, pressured heat has to be applied to multiple strands of hair. In this
state, it has more luster and bounce. I can look very different to people with
this change just because of this one aspect. My hair type represents two
different personalities for people who do not know me. For example, when it’s
curly, people have told me that they see me as a younger person who is very
bubbly, but when it’s straight I look older and more intimidating to talk too.
Although I do not care about it, it can sometimes affect how people portray me
as a person so I try to be as pleasant as can be.
Seeing the things I explained may not help you know me,
but if you know me you somewhat understand these three things. They have a deep
root within my life that can be seen through how I carry myself and how I act.
Comprehending how these things connect with me can help a reader or a friend
get to know me a little better.
I noticed the word thing was said was a few times, six to be exact. Try and be more specific when making a reference. Your symbols are greatly supported. The diction you use is up to par. I like the syntax of the essay, and how all you are writing flows together. Also, I realized that you used the word "knick" a few times, but I think the correct word would be knack. I like the idea in the third paragraph about the butterfly, it is well developed. If I am correct, I think it may symbolize the transitions and developmental changes in your life. But how does the butterfly symbol tie into the "knack" theme? Everyone develops and changes but what in particular is special abut this transfiguration to you? Overall, your organization and structure were pretty good although there is always room for improvement. This is a well written essay and has even greater potential.
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